I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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