No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
