Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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