we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
