I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
