just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
