I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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