Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
