I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
