i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
