I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
