Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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