I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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