I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
