Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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