i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
