do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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