Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
