I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
