I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
