After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
