Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
