grandma shit on top of the toilet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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