too bad you live with your parents still
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
