haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
