So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize