i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
