i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
