He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
