I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
