There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize