Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
