talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
