She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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