i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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