some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
