i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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