Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
