He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
