I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
