Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
