You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
