There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize