my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
