It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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