Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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