I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am mentally ready for anal.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
