Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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