is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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