I puked a lego.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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