fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
