at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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