i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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