Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
