I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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