who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
