I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize