And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need moral support for this bender
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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