I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did i walk over a car last night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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