She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
