I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
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