He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
