I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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